evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
