I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
