Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
