it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
