I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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