New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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