I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
