i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
