speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
