I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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