Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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