Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
