Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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