I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
