ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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