at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
