some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
