Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
