Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
