So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
