I wanna bring you to show and tell
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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