i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
