pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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