Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
