totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
