he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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