Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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