my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
