Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
