The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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