Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
