That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
