I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
