Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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