he wants to bone in the snuggie
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
