I got chris browned last night
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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