Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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