I think i sorta joined a cult last night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
