So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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