We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
