He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
