Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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