Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
