8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
