Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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