As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
