you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
