My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
