He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
