We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
