I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
