i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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