So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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