eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
