Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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