when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
