Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
