Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
