Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
