You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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