i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
